Scotch Thoughts and Window Reflections Season 1
by npieen
Summary: The Authors note says it all
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note**

**Dedication:**

I know that Fan Fiction is rarely dedicated but my Beta and I thought that this set of stories should be. So we want to dedicate _**Scotch Thoughts**_ and _**Window Reflections**_ to Iwsod, in honor of the hard work that she put into her studies and subsequent graduation as well as keeping "Just Walk with Me" going for all of us at the same time. Without her and the blog these stories would never be. So thank you Iwsod!

**Thank you:**

A while ago I indulged my growing involvement (obsession) with Scarecrow and Mrs. King and joined a blog. Iwsod has a wonderful blog called "Just Walk with Me" and on it are some fun people. Through this blog I made a new friend because we discovered that we had more in common than just SMK. She became a pen pal of sorts and she encouraged me (bugged is more like it, bzzz) to actually write some stories that I had bouncing around in my mind. She even agreed to Beta it. It is going to be a long process because there will be 176 of these so I hope we have an enduring friendship ;) Here is to many more emails, Thanks BJo!

**Note:**

I have written these little vignettes in a revised order differing from the original airing order because it really does seem to make the story arc work better and even clears up some of those pesky continuity issues. It is the order that Iwsod has come up with on her blog so far. I like her order for Season 1, and so far the order for Season 2. We haven't gotten to 3 and 4 yet so I am not sure about those yet. I may alter the order for the following seasons if she doesn't come up with the same one I have. She has a great set of posts describing how she came up with that order here:

/2012/07/08/just-walk-with-me-through-the-order-of-season-one-episodes-part-3/

if you want to check it out. Actually the whole blog is a great set of posts!

Since my plan is to go through all 88 episodes and that may take some time, I thought that I would publish these as a pair once a week following the revised episode order. It will be an extended run for a fan fiction, but we think it will be fun and worth the journey. Of course each story would probably be enjoyed best if they were read after watching the corresponding episode, but if you don't have time they work on their own as well.

I hope you enjoy _**Scotch Thoughts**_ and _**Window Reflections**_.

Npieen


	2. Chapter 2

**1**

**Scotch Thoughts**

**The First Time**

Lee opened the door to his apartment, placed his umbrella in the corner and took off his heavy double breasted trench coat. He tossed it over a chair and walked to the wet bar to pour himself a scotch on the rocks. With the glass firmly in hand he lowered himself heavily down onto the couch and let out a huge sigh. It was good to be in the comfort of his own surroundings, messy as they were, they were his and he could relax. He would often spend some downtime on the couch with a drink after an especially difficult case. It was good practice for an agent to debrief himself. He would benefit from the time sorting through certain spots to make sure he maintained his objectivity. It was a part of his training.

This case had been a real doozy. What had begun with what should have been a simple drop and a stop to the Agency leak had turned into an all-night pursuit by the KGB, an incomplete drop and a subsequent suspension. And to top it all off he had been kidnapped and almost killed. No wonder he was so off kilter after this one. But once again the Scarecrow had landed on his feet, solved the case and was alive and well. He finished his thoughts with a cleansing breath and prepared to get off the couch to make his evening meal.

The next thought that slammed into him pushed him back into the couch. Mrs. Amanda King. She was the one who had fumbled the drop and their resulting search for the package had gotten him suspended. But he would not have solved the case or be alive and well if it hadn't been for her either. It was true, he had to acknowledge that. That woman was really something…but what? He didn't really know. And in all his years of compartmentalizing his reactions to cases he had no idea what to do with her.

Well, no matter. There was a slim chance next to none that he would ever see her again, let alone have to work with her. He chuckled sardonically at Billy's joke about finding him a partner. That would never happen. Lee liked his life just as it was thank you very much, he was a loner after all. He tipped his head back and drained the rest of the liquid from the glass. Putting the glass down on the coffee table he closed his eyes and prepared to yet again take that final cleansing breath when his senses were ambushed by the feeling of swaying to music and the sight of gazing into a face with beautiful brown eyes framed by soft brown hair. The image caused him to hold the breath without exhaling for a moment longer than necessary, but shaking his head to clear it, he continued, got up and made dinner.

Scarecrow was alive and well.


	3. Chapter 3

**1**

**Window Reflection**

**The First Time**

Placing her hands in the warm soapy water, Amanda let out a deep sigh. The warm water felt relaxing and it was comforting to tend to something around the house. Amanda knew that some of the moms of her sons' friends thought she was crazy to hand wash the dishes. They used their evenings to watch movies or read books. But she found it relaxing to have her hands in the warm water and look out the window. It was a change of view to look out a window and it gave her a chance to let her mind wander while the house was quiet.

In the past her thoughts wouldn't have very far to go beyond the house and the boys. They had been her main concern since they were born and it had felt that her world had narrowed to them even more as the years went on. Dean was a nice addition to this world. He was a stable, reliable man. That was a good thing. But her mind didn't wander to him often during her evening dish washing; actually it was often remembering that she was supposed to call him that sped the ritual to its finish.

But tonight her mind had some very interesting paths to wander. She smirked at the turn of events over the past few days. Who would have thought that a routine drop off at the train station would have yielded all this, and in her nightgown no less? Of course other women needed movies and books for entertainment. She had experienced enough events from a spy novel or adventure movie to last for quite some time. Secret codes, clandestine meetings, underground enclaves, flying helicopters…and don't forget devilishly handsome spies, uh, intelligence agents. Oh boy!

Well, who knew where this would lead? It was nice of that Mr. Melrose to offer her some work. It would be interesting work even if she stayed in the office. Amanda straightened her thoughts back into practical ones. She really did need to find a steady job. The state of the family's finances required her to be working. She would drop by the Agency in the morning, hand in her personal profile papers and see if they had any work for her, then she would go to that interview at Honeycutt Typewriters. It might not be as exciting as working at the Agency, but it would be a lot safer. It would be very exciting to work with Lee Stetson on a regular basis, but it would also be a lot safer if she never did see him again.

Amanda finished washing the last dish, drained the sink and wiped it out with the dish towel. Drying her hands she hung up the towel and turned out the light. Before she left the sink she hesitated to look out the kitchen window. Who would have believed that just a few nights ago there had been a handsome spy in a tuxedo outside that very window drying himself off. She laughed quietly to herself and left the kitchen. As she walked up the stairs in the quiet house she realized that for the first time in a long time she was truly tired. It was a good tired. She was looking forward to her dreams tonight.


	4. Scotch Thoughts There Goes the Neighborh

**2**

**Scotch Thoughts**

**There Goes the Neighborhood**

It was late when Lee got home. He had driven down the country-like roads around Mt Vernon until he had begun to feel tired and now he was content to be in his apartment. Having spent even one night in suburbia was enough for him, even though it had entailed a middle of the night search and fighting off murderous intruders. And after making strawberry daiquiris for the neighbors the night before, he was more than happy to pour himself a tumbler of scotch to drink alone. How could anyone endure a life in the suburbs, honestly?

Once again Lee reviewed this most recent case. It was pretty cut and dry. He had infiltrated the enemy's territory, found the bad guys and stopped the sale of illegal weapons to South American Rebels. The good guys had won and the innocent people in the Betsy Ross estates were safe. That about wrapped it up and as he drank his scotch he realized he was feeling hungry , so he placed his hands on his thighs and began to push himself to standing.

That was when he felt it. The hard metal ring in his pocket, the one he had tucked there on his drive. He stood to pull it out and once again gave it a look over. There was something intriguing about it but for the life of him he couldn't figure out what it was. It was just a plain gold band; it wasn't even shiny because it was supposed to have the look of being worn for years. It wasn't very exciting, just like the joke he had made with Amanda about "their marriage". Although come to think of it there had been a lot of excitement, especially as they were running away from Bouchard's men earlier. Amanda had been great taking his cues and using the hairspray. She had been great as she followed her train of thought in the kitchen earlier that morning as well.

The kitchen, right, he was hungry and so he headed toward his kitchen. Suddenly it looked dull and boring; it wasn't warm and inviting like the one he had briefly shared with Amanda. "We just had our first fight, as man and wife that is. Right here in our cheery kitchen." His words ricocheted around in his mind. He chuckled to himself and shook his head. Downing the remainder of his scotch he walked into the kitchen. Maybe he would buy some new dish towels; it was probably the old dingy ones that made the kitchen look drab. Blue ones, that was a good masculine color for a bachelor pad.


	5. Window Reflections There Goes the Nieghb

**2**

**Window Reflections**

**There Goes the Neighborhood**

Amanda placed her mother's tea cup and her own as well as a few remaining dishes into the warm water. She could have washed them with her eyes closed; her eyes were open but they were seeing the scenes from the events of the past few days. She had seen and done so many new and unnerving things while "posing" as a suburban housewife. Funny though, it had left her with an exhilaration she didn't know had existed for a divorced mother of two.

Images flashed through her mind. Searching a dark house, cradling the head of a dying man, the maniacal face of Bobby Bouchard, being chased up stairs onto a roof, escaping by the ride on a crane, Lee Stetson with his shirt unbuttoned preparing for bed…! Oh my Gosh! How could all of these images be coursing through her head? Could this all be really happening to her? Could it become a regular thing? Did she want it to be a regular thing? Could she handle it?

It was interesting work. She had really enjoyed putting the pieces together that morning with Lee in the kitchen. She liked that kind of brain work. Or maybe that was just a lucky one time occurrence for her. As far as the danger, looking back on it now she really hadn't been as scared as she could have been. She was still able to think on her feet when she needed to, like using the hairspray. The thought of that made her smile. And she liked working with Lee; it felt like they clicked pretty well a few times. That was nice. She wondered if "Mr. Loner" himself had noticed that.

Speaking of "Mr. Loner," he sure was easy on the eyes. He knew it and he knew how to use it too. Sometimes when he looked at her she thought she would melt under his gaze. No wonder he had such an effect on the ladies. Amanda sighed in an effort to get on top of those thoughts. Her mother had been right tonight when she spoke about men and thrilling evenings and no guarantee of seeing them again. She was glad she hadn't taken Lee up on his offer for a drink that afternoon. Now that would have been some very dangerous territory. Dean was more her style, he was dependable …

Oh no! Dean! She had completely forgotten to call him!


	6. Chapter 6

**3**

**Scotch Thoughts **

**ACM Kid**

He noticed the absence of the huge bear as soon as he re-entered his apartment. Pouring his scotch on the rocks he wondered to himself why he had even bought the bear in the first place. Flopping down onto the couch he was beginning to question why he had felt compelled to drop it off at Amanda's like he did tonight. Well, never mind that. He had never second guessed himself where gift giving had been concerned. Amanda had liked the bear so she should have it. A picture of her popped into his mind, she was hugging the bear and saying something about tough guys not being as tough as they appeared. Well, it was true, wasn't it? Hadn't he told Alexi the same thing? That he had had to pretend he was tough so that no one would know how scared he really was.

Training his thoughts to the actual events of this most recent case, he went over each part. Alexi, the Lug Wrench Bar, getting caught, being tied up in the closet, escaping… thinking of Amanda's comeback in the bar made him chuckle and her statements of confidence in him made him smile. She had been the only person he knew who was good with kids. He had just wanted to keep Alexi safe and out of the way. Amanda was the logical person to call. But that brought her here, to the apartment. He paused at that fact. He took a swallow of his scotch and felt the warm liquid go down his throat. His thoughts unwittingly went to the evening he had come home with all those gifts for Alexi.

He had wanted to get something nice for the boy. He knew how it felt to be in a strange place with no assurance about his parents. This whole case had gotten a little too close to his own life. Maybe that was why his thought process was betraying him tonight. Or maybe it was the apartment being clean? It was too much, too much of someone in his space. That was probably what had him off right now.

Lee sat on the couch looking into the tumbler at the golden liquid inside it. He turned it and watched the light of the lamp reflect off of the ice. Looking through the glass he could see the shelves next to the fireplace. He could see how neatly organized they were. Lowering the glass he glanced around him. It did look like she lived there instead of him. He sighed. How had this happened? How had Amanda King gotten into his apartment and totally rearranged everything? No woman that he had ever brought there had even stayed long enough to do anything other than dirty a wine glass or maybe a coffee cup. And Amanda wasn't even "that" kind of a woman.

Getting up he put a Rolling Stones album on and went into the kitchen to find some food. It wouldn't take him long to make this place look like his again. Fortunately the refrigerator had more in it than moldy cheese tonight.


	7. Chapter 7

**3**

**Window Reflection**

**ACM Kid**

Amanda closed the front door behind Dean, walked into the family room and picked up the two coffee cups. She then walked over to the sink and began to fill it with warm soapy water. Going to the movie had been nice, it was fun having had Jamie along. Amanda really did love her boys, they brought her such joy, and spending this evening with her son had been a refreshing change from all the time she had spent with Alexi. That poor boy had been through so much already. Amanda hoped that he would have some consistency and nurture now that the KGB's plans to use him to steal the access codes to ACM's surveillance satellite had been foiled. She was glad that she had been able to spend some time with Alexi; maybe it had helped him.

Thinking of Alexi made her think about Lee. She had learned a lot about him during this case. He really was a contradiction. There was more to him than being a world class spy and playboy she thought. Those moments in his apartment while she was taking care of Alexi and talking with Lee had been very revealing and they had surprised her. Both because of the things he had said and because of what they had revealed. It appeared that Lee had had some tough times as a boy and he was doing his best to keep it all deeply hidden. But it also seemed to Amanda that he was really looking for a friend. There were moments when it felt as though Lee was about to open up and sometimes he did for a brief moment. Maybe she could earn his trust and be that friend just like she had done with Alexi.

Her thoughts then turned to the panda. After she had discovered it at her door, she had quickly taken it upstairs and put in on the chair in the corner of her bedroom. What was she going to do with that immense thing? Her mouth turned up in a smile at the thought of it. "You could sure buy my affections with this guy." That was what she had said when she first saw the bear. See, now buying that bear seemed so out of character for Scarecrow. She chuckled a bit imagining him entering a toy store and purchasing the huge stuffed animal. He had even responded a bit defensively about the bear when she had questioned him about it.

Amanda couldn't help herself. She was trying not to let herself think about the fact that he had carried the bear out of his apartment down to the street and put it into his Porsche. She tried not to think about him driving it to her house, carrying the bear across the street through her gate and placing it on her front steps. He must have rung the doorbell and then quickly ran back to his car. He must have sat there watching for her reaction. She couldn't imagine why he had done that. As she tried to fall asleep tonight she would do her best to not let her imagination carry her away and keep her logical mind firmly in control.


	8. Chapter 8

**4**

**Scotch Thoughts**

**Magic Bus**

He winced as he slowly lowered himself to the couch. The wound in the back of his leg wasn't a deep one but it wasn't exactly painless either. When the medics had arrived at the dam they had only needed to use a few stiches on the wound because it was already pretty clean. Amanda had done a good job on it. The pain killers were starting to wear off but he hoped that the scotch would pick up where they left off so he could sleep. Tomorrow he had to drive that bus to Arizona. It would be good to drive the Vigilant cross country. It would give him a few days to himself. That was something he was looking forward to.

He finally found a way to sit that was comfortable by propping his foot on the coffee table and he began his routine of going over the case. Who would have thought of making a weapon of mass destruction out of an RV…who would have thought of making a partner out of a suburban housewife? He stumbled over that thought, she was no partner! She was a great driver however and brave and… He stopped his thoughts and took a gulp of the scotch. He couldn't seem to steer his thoughts away from Amanda King tonight. Who would have thought that a housewife would get to him so much?

He winced, but not from pain. Maybe it was the scotch mixed with the remainder of the pain meds they had given him that was messing with his thoughts. Why else would he be reacting to her like that? It was really bothering him that she wouldn't say anything more than "not bad" about his legs. Why should he even care what she thought of him? He wasn't sure what to think of her, she didn't respond to him like other women he knew and he was still trying to figure out why she was so willing to keep working with him and the Agency.

She had saved his life. "Again," the scotch voice reminded him. He could begin to feel that indebtedness creep up to grab a hold of him. It always did that when someone had risked their life for him. He didn't want to feel that way again. That was one of the reasons why he worked alone. And he definitely didn't want to feel that way about Amanda King. He would just stay away from her, refuse to work with her. That shouldn't be hard. After all she was just a housewife, he was Scarecrow, top agent, and he had proved his driving abilities at Lemans and Monaco after all. How many more cases could there be that would require the services of a suburban housewife anyway?

He then felt a small pang of guilt. He hoped that she wasn't taking this too seriously and thinking it would be a regular thing. Yawning, he realized he was beginning to feel drowsy. His thoughts turned to their conversation in the elevator before the weekend. She had said "our" when referring to the case. He had emphatically pointed out that it "was not our case, it was my case." They were not partners. His eyelids began to get heavy so he made himself comfortable on the couch and closed them. He could recall the feeling of her close presence in the confines of the elevator. She was clipping the pass on his sweater, brushing her hands over the front of it. He was moving her hair aside to place the pass on her lapel. There was something comforting about it and Lee fell into a restful sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**4**

**Window Reflections**

**Magic Bus**

Amanda's mind wasn't really on the dishes. She had already broken one of them tonight causing her mother to launch into another diatribe about her level of distraction and having an affair. It really was too much. All Amanda wanted was some peace and quiet so that she could sort through her thoughts about her involvement with the agency and what to do about it. Maybe it wasn't just the Agency, maybe a lot of it had to do with working with Lee Stetson.

Mr. Melrose was a nice man and seemed like a fair boss. He had appeared to be pleased with her work and that had also been accompanied by a genuine concern for her wellbeing after the whole ordeal with the RV had come to an end. Maybe if Amanda was going to work on a regular basis for them she could ask to start some of that training she had been promised. It was obvious that was what was required and so she would ask. If she could show them that she was committed to learning the skills that agents needed then they could use her more often. Being a spy would certainly be exciting. She had managed pretty well during this case.

Although this one had required her to lie to her mother again. That was a skill Amanda was sure she would never master. How does a person live in a web of lies? She would have to be very careful with what she told her mother and Dean so that she didn't get caught. If she could stick as close to the truth as possible it would probably help. Maybe they had a hand book for that, just like the one they had for sabotage. And she would really like to avoid the whole affair discussion if at all possible. She was going to have to be a bit cleverer with what she told her mother, nothing she had said for this past weekend had convinced her mother of her innocence.

How would she ever convince her mother that she wasn't having an affair if Lee Stetson kept popping up at any given time? If he was ever seen that would fuel her mother's suspicions even more. She was going to have talk to him about showing up like that, although it was rather fun having a handsome spy just show up at the window.

Working with Lee was fun; fun and aggravating. Why couldn't he willingly express some appreciation for the work she did? He had thanked her for not listening to him after she had pulled him out of the gun fire and he had confessed to Francine that she was the one driving the Vigilant. But it seemed as if he wouldn't even take the time to try to trust her enough to answer basic personal questions let alone what seemed to her like a simple thing such as how he got his codename. All he could say about her work was "not bad"? Not bad because she had said his legs were not bad? He confused her. He could be personable and engaging one moment and dismissive the next. He had said he didn't understand her. Well, the feeling was mutual. She definitely had a hard time understanding him, but it was another challenge that she was ready for. At that thought she felt an excitement grow in her. Yes this job was worth the adjustments she would have to make. She was up for the challenge and she wanted to see it to its finish, whatever that was.


	10. Chapter 10

**5**

**Scotch Thoughts**

**If Thoughts Could Kill**

Lee looked at the bottle of scotch trying to visualize how he could smuggle it into the hospital. If he had to go back for another harrowing three days at least he might be able to have a bottle of scotch with him. He poured himself a glass and settled into the couch. It was nice to be home even if it was for a brief moment. Although when he got to his apartment this afternoon after the day's events he was a bit discomforted to see that damn duck still sitting there. It didn't take him long to get it out and into a dumpster. Who would have thought that a stuffed duck could have been part of such an awful plot? Or that he could be used in the same?

He thought about Walt and what the two of them had been through. He knew that there were risks in his line of work, he faced them every day. Walt had known it too. They were trained to be less susceptible to those brain games as the general public. But somehow Ted Glazer had been able to penetrate the conscious will of two highly trained agents. That was an idea that actually caused Lee a bit of angst. He tried not to think about what would have happened if Amanda hadn't shown up at that luncheon like she had.

But she had shown up. He couldn't deny it. Once again she had saved him, and Billy. She had put all the pieces together and had made it to the meeting. She had broken into the highly suggestible state that Glazer had put him in and had brought him out of it. She had returned Lee to his right mind. Lee leaned his head back onto the couch and shook it back and forth slowly as if he was pushing all those images out of his head. The one image that was left was the retreating form of Amanda going through those double doors saying something about jumping out of a cake. He hadn't realized then exactly what she had done, he was only aware of a great sense of relief. Tonight, however, he chuckled a bit. She had spared him the embarrassment in front of all his colleagues and had drawn the awkward attention to herself. He took a deep breath and slowly let it out; she was something.

He leaned forward then and placed his elbow on the arm of the couch and his forehead in his hand. Scenes from the last few days filtered through his memory. He had been an absolute grump, really not his best self. And he remembered his question to Francine about what it was about Amanda that gets to a person. He wasn't sure that Francine's answer was right, "her complete lack of everything." Amanda didn't lack everything; she was pretty brave most of the time. She had some good ideas about things sometimes. She came in handy on occasion. She was a good bedside bluebell. If he had to endure three more days in the hospital at least he would have Amanda with him, that wouldn't be so bad. With a heavy sigh Lee got up from the couch, he suddenly had a hankering for some cheesecake.

_Note: The moniker "damn duck" was created by Cindy. I learned it from reading her comments on this episode on Just Walk with Me._

_The idea that Amanda saved Lee's dignity as she left the conference room drawing the attention to herself as she made her remarks about jumping out of a cake is also not mine. BJo shared these in her comment about this episode on the same blog. I think she was absolutely right and so I thought that Lee should think so too._


	11. Chapter 11

**5**

**Window Reflections**

**If Thoughts Could Kill**

Amanda had left the Agency that afternoon, stopped by the dry cleaner to get her Bedside Bluebell uniform pressed and then came home to make dinner. Dean had come over; she had spent time with him and with the boys, she checked their homework and got them to bed. She then had a cup of tea with her mother while watching some television. Now even her mother had gone upstairs to bed and the house was finally quiet. Amanda carried the tea cups to the sink and washed them. Placing them in the drying rack she leaned her hip against the counter, looked out the window and took a deep breath. It had been quite a day.

It was hard to keep all the pieces of her life going smoothly. Her mother had pointed out how much she had let drop the other morning. It was a juggling act to work, have a family and a relationship with Dean. Somehow she would learn how to manage it. As this last case was continuing to prove, working with Lee Stetson was not always easy. He was a terrible patient. Who would have thought that a top agent would be such a little boy when faced with needles and doctors? It made her laugh. But the smile quickly left her face as she thought about the rest of what Lee had gone through. How terrible to be used in medical experiments like that. To have one's conscious will violated and controlled so that you could be brainwashed into killing your boss! How awful! She shuddered at that thought.

What if she hadn't been there? What if she hadn't noticed all his strange behavior? No one else had seemed to notice anything strange about Lee or those dreams he had been having. Walt had his wife, Janet, but even she didn't catch things in time and now Walt was dead. Amanda tried to shake those thoughts off. In order to survive in this business a person needed friends, people who knew you well. It seemed to her that the spies that she had met like Lee and Francine didn't have many close friends. It was worth enduring the grumpiness from Lee to know that at least she was there to watch out for him, at least she had been there to notice the change in his behavior and hear about those weird dreams.

She had said that the dreams sounded sexual, why did she say that!? She smacked her forehead at that thought. Why did she bring up sexual with Lee? Ooh boy! And while she was allowing herself to ask these sorts of questions she might as well ask herself why she got more excited about working with Lee as a Bedside Bluebell even though he behaved like a grumpy little boy, than she did about having Dean over for dinner? Lee was not her type, he was a playboy and he lived in a world of "danger, excitement and intrigue." Why did she want to keep doing this stuff? Dean was safe. Maybe he was too safe? Now she was treading in dangerous waters with thoughts like that. She needed to get herself into bed, she had a long day tomorrow as Lee's Bedside Bluebell. She smiled at that thought, she couldn't help it.


	12. Chapter 12

**6**

**Scotch Thoughts**

**Sudden Death**

Lee walked to the sink to rinse out the two champagne glasses. He felt great! It had been a lot of fun going undercover as a football player. He had some aches and pains and he was going to have to be gentle with that knee for a while, but it had been a long time since he had felt so exhilarated. He reached for one of the new blue dish towels and dried the flutes. Placing them back in the cabinet he decided to forgo the ritual scotch, the champagne that he had shared with Amanda had been enough and he didn't feel the need for anymore relaxation inducing drink. He paused at the sink, then, before leaving the kitchen and found himself staring out the window.

He had the strangest sensations coursing through him, a giddiness and excitement that he could barely identify. He felt like a college aged young man again, or maybe like he did when he had first started at the Agency. It must have been all the fresh fall air he had taken in during the past few days. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes as if to take in more fresh air, but as he did his mind was immediately filled with the sensations of kissing Amanda. His eyes flew open. He had tried not to think about that since he had done it. It had made sense at the time; it was a perfect way to throw the coach off from suspecting what they were really doing. He had used that technique before; it was part of the job. But he had never been that shocked by a kiss before! What the heck had happened?

Suddenly Lee felt the urgent need to collapse on the couch with a shot of scotch. Stretching himself out on the couch he took a slow swallow of the drink and went over the events of that night. He had been so focused on the job and getting the pictures of that football play back to the Agency. If he hadn't kissed Amanda they would have been caught. So it had been a prudent decision to grab her and throw the coach off of their trail. He took another sip. Maybe he had been shocked because he had had to hold her so tightly. She sure did fight him, at first. She must have begun to enjoy it though; after all she told the coach that she liked her work "very much." He took that to be in response to his kiss. He smiled to himself and finished the shot of the scotch. Maybe he had been shocked because _he_ had liked it "very much" as well; maybe he had wanted to kiss her for a while now…

No, now that was a ridiculous thought! Amanda King was a wholesome suburban mother, she drove a station wagon, she had a mortgage, she wore frumpy clothing, and she lived with her mother! She was an apprentice agent. She was not even a trainee! She was a pain in his butt! He was yelling at himself now. And another part of his brain calmly spoke back. She had been extremely helpful to him, he had enjoyed working with her at times and she had saved his life, twice.

That was all logical and true. He steadied himself. So far things were going ok. Maybe he could continue to work with her on occasion. He was getting used to it. Actually it was nice to have someone to share cases with. It had been fun to go to her house tonight and celebrate the end of his "illustrious football career." He wouldn't have been able to do that with any of his other social contacts. That was why he had given her the football, as a thank you.

Lee sat up, pushed himself to the edge of the couch and took a cleansing breath. There, he had successfully put the events of this last case in their proper places once again. He yawned. It was time to put his tired body to bed. Tomorrow he would report back to the bullpen and resume his role as Scarecrow. Maybe he could line up a date for the weekend; it had been a few weeks since he had consulted his black books. A little recreation was exactly what he could use right about now. Content once again he got up and walked towards his bedroom for a good night's sleep in his own bed. That would be a welcome change from a chair in a bookie joint dressed in a strait jacket. He laughed at that thought. The things an agent had to do….


	13. Chapter 13

**6**

**Window Reflections**

**Sudden Death**

Amanda reached over the sink and closed the window. It seemed unreal to her that moments ago she and Lee had been sharing a bottle of champagne through that window. For a portion of that time it had been a silent celebration because her mother had sat there talking about leading double lives. Lee had gotten his first real earful of Dotty and he seemed to have enjoyed it. It had been fun to share a bit of her life with Lee, even if it had been in that small way. It made Amanda feel less like she was leading a double life. She sighed. It was nice of Lee to stop by like that; he had really surprised her this time.

Turning from the window she looked down at the football he had given to her and smiled. That man continued to be a puzzle. He had not been happy at all to see her when she had first shown up in the locker room during the training to be his messenger on the case. But now here he was at her kitchen window with a bottle of champagne and a gift. She re-read the note he had written on it, "To a heck of a good reporter. Best wishes, Sandy Newcomb." Playing the part of a reporter had been a fun challenge and it was nice to think that Lee had finally ended up appreciating her participation. Even if he couldn't come out and say "thank you," he found other ways, like this, to communicate it.

Lifting her eyes back to the window she thought of the last time one had been between them, at the training camp when he had kissed her. She chuckled to herself. She had had a good share of kissing this week. Bella, Lee… It had been a while since she had had so much excitement. Bella's kiss was awkward and embarrassing; the poor guy was so scared and intimidated by those two bookies. But Lee's kiss was electric even though it too was a cover to fool the coach. Maybe there was something there in Lee's kiss? It sure felt like it. She shook her head, she was fooling herself. How could there be? He was an experienced agent, he probably had to do things like that often and so he knew how to make it seem authentic, she chided herself. She shouldn't allow herself to think that there could even be a possibility of something happening between them. Lee could never want her. If she let thoughts and feelings like that grow it would make things complicated for her at work. It would be dangerous. Lee was dangerous. Dean on the other hand was her type. He was safe, dependable. "Dull" her mind whispered, but she tried not to hear it.

She picked up the football and carried it upstairs. She would put it in the attic with the panda bear.


	14. Chapter 14

**7**

**Scotch Thoughts**

**Always Look a Gift Horse**

**In the Mouth**

Lee Stetson propped his cowboy boots on the coffee table and leaned back into the couch, scotch in hand. He let out a contented sigh. Another assignment successfully completed. He had kept the crowned Prince and Princess of Zakir safe from a money hungry crazy man and his gift of a killer horse. And he had done it without causing them to side step any of their social obligations. He shook his head as he thought of how Prince Rheza had insisted that he and Penelope continue to attend the reception even after an assassination attempt had been made. There was no wisdom in that Lee thought. He would never allow someone connected to him to be knowingly exposed to danger. That was one of the reasons he did not become emotionally involved with anyone. His life was too dangerous due to his career choice and it would never be fair to ask another person to risk their safety. His life as a loner was the one he chose; it was the safest way for him and everyone else.

But Rheza had married and so Penelope had to go along with the dangers that came with that relationship. Well, at least the princess had made a friend in Amanda. It had been good for the case that they had gotten along so well, it had given him the ability to keep someone closer to the princess, even if it had caused some troubles when they disappeared to Amanda's house and Amanda had gotten into the saddle of that killer horse. They must have really hit it off though, he mused. After Amanda had told him that Penny thought that he and Amanda were having "a thing" his interest was piqued. What had those two been talking about the other night when he had shown up to confer with Amanda?

He stopped his thoughts abruptly. This was not what he was supposed to be thinking about right now. He was supposed to be ordering his thoughts not following them down dead end rabbit trails. Having a "thing" with Amanda was definitely not even something to waste time pondering, although it was funny. How could he have an affair with a woman who couldn't even say the word? And it would put her in even more danger. Nope, she was not his type, she was the kind of woman that required something more than he would be willing to give her. He took a long drink of the scotch that he had poured and had as yet not touched. Going back over the case he viewed it with satisfaction so he began to close the book on it in his mind. He finished what was left in his glass, laid his head back on the couch and closed his eyes.

In his mind's eye he was at the reception watching Rheza and Penelope go to greet people. He followed them with his eyes as they walked and his gaze landed on Amanda. She really did look nice, not frumpy at all, in that black dress. She had a classic sort of beauty even while having a cast on her leg. He wondered if he would have an occasion again to work with Amanda when she would be dressed in a gown… that wouldn't be such an awful thing, would it?


	15. Chapter 15

**7**

**Window Reflection**

**Always look a Gift Horse in the Mouth**

The dishes were almost done, just a few more and Amanda could finally go to bed. She didn't remember the last time she had so many aches and pains. Her foot was killing her, her back was sore and she was aware of muscles in her legs that she never knew existed. She knew that she was allergic to horses, but now she knew there was more to her staying away from them than just sneezing. Amanda and horses just didn't mix and it would be fine with her if she didn't see another one for some time.

Amanda paused from washing and stared out of the window. She would miss Penny. For the first time since she had been handed that package she had had someone to talk to about Lee. It had been nice even if she really couldn't be honest about how they knew each other, it was better than having to keep the whole thing a complete secret and telling lies to do so. Maybe she would write Penny in the morning. Her mother would get a kick out of her having a princess for a pen pal, she wouldn't have to hide Penny from her mother and that was a relief.

Amanda laughed and shook her head. Why was Penny so convinced that something was going on between herself and Lee? She didn't think her behavior towards him revealed anything, did it? He was attractive, Penny had thought so too, but Amanda knew he was a playboy so she tried not to treat him any differently than any other man she knew. And Lee wouldn't even let her look at him when they talked. Penny must have noted that there was some relationship between them, especially when he had shown up at the window like that, and because she wasn't aware of the Agency connection she must have read into it.

She had Dean in her life, but she did notice other men. She couldn't help but notice Lee. There was just something about him that fascinated her and it wasn't just because he was so good looking. The few glimpses she had gotten of the man under the image he projected to the world made her want to try to be his friend. Sometimes when he looked at her or let his hand linger on her arm it would draw her in. But then he would dismiss her with one of his cold agent style comments and she would remember that he was a "top spy" in a dangerous profession and she was a suburban mother with two boys to keep safe. Maybe she was intrigued by the excitement of his life and the fact that she was able to help him a bit in it. It was so different than what she was used to. It sure would be useful to know how to hit though. It could be dangerous but she wanted to do it, especially if she could work with Lee. Maybe Penny had something there; maybe dangerous was kind of fun?


	16. Chapter 16

**8**

**Scotch Thoughts**

**Service Above and Beyond**

Lee Stetson took off his blue leather blazer, folded it and laid it over the back of a chair. He then poured himself a glass of scotch. This week had included a cyclone of a case and Lee desperately wanted to feel like he was back on solid ground. He settled himself on the couch and took a huge breath. As he slowly let it out he could feel some of the tension leave his body. He could relax because Amanda was safe. He knew she was fine now that he had seen her in her own home washing her own dishes.

Somehow knowing that fact still didn't allow all of the stress to leave. He could sense a tightness in his chest that he hadn't experienced for about ten years and he needed to find a way to make it go away. He thought that maybe his ritual self-debriefing would do the trick. Taking a long slow sip of his drink he began to go over the case. He and Amanda had attended the reception for the Quickie Chickie Snack Shack backer. Why had he taken her? He knew the real answer to that question, that he had wanted an occasion to see her in evening wear again. He regretted that move the minute she had shown up at the Lincoln Memorial. From that moment on he was fighting to keep his "Scarecrow" professional self in control and to be honest about it, he knew he had not done a great job.

It was just that he felt responsible for her, that was it. He had gotten her into this business. He knew what could happen, how it could take an eager, energetic do-gooder and turn them into a jaded, cold professional. At all cost that must not happen to Amanda! There was just something about her that needed to stay unspoiled, for her own good, and for his as well. The thought of her dancing with Delano, and sitting at dinner with him, was just too much and he gritted his teeth. The image of her lying on the bed, unconscious was one he wished he could erase from his memory. The feel of her limp body in his arms was something he was pretty sure he would have nightmares about from now on. This was what he had wanted to avoid.

He took another swallow as he continued to think about how Amanda had handled herself. She really had done well under all of those circumstances. She had managed to get the invites from Delano, why not? He couldn't, he wouldn't think of Amanda as exotic or mysterious, but she was beautiful, he would admit that at the moment. And she had gotten him into that party. She had played Victoria Greenwich perfectly, even if she had adlibbed a bit. She really might make a decent agent someday. He paused at that thought. He had said that in the ambulance, during that surreal ride to the hospital. He had said a lot of things that he wouldn't have said to an awake Amanda. He had meant it… all of it.

Thinking about saying things that he had meant made him wonder if Amanda had said things that she had meant. He hesitated to really consider it but took a long drink of the scotch and continued. Like the part about having fantasies about secret agents. What the heck was she trying to tell him there? That the real thing was lousy, that he was lousy? Or did she fantasize…? No! These thoughts were crazy. He had been under too much stress after all the weeks of training a rookie like Amanda. That was it! He needed a vacation, a long one. On a tropical island with women. Lots of other women!


	17. Chapter 17

**8**

**Window Reflections**

**Service Above and Beyond**

After watching Lee's retreating form leave her back yard Amanda went inside and walked back to her sink full of dishes with a dreamy little smile on her face. All she could think of was that Lee had carried her out of Delano's house. Her imagination began to paint the scene. She imagined him sweeping her off of the bed and descending the stairs as he cradled her in his arms. He would have turned his head to glimpse at her ashen face, his expression grim. Turning resolutely he would confront the man who had done this to her at the same time caressing her back with his thumb in order to comfort her and himself. Amanda sighed and shook her head. No, she had had enough of fantasies. Everything that had happened this week was real enough.

She had enjoyed Delano's attention. He had been charming. Jim Delano was an exciting man, but she knew that Lee was right, Delano's sincerity was insincere. Amanda was slowly becoming aware that she wanted more than what she was experiencing in her life. She couldn't quite pinpoint it exactly, but why would she respond to Delano like she had if she was content in her life? It had been fun to pretend to be Victoria Greenwich for a while, to wear glamorous clothes and jewelry, attend a fancy party and restaurant and to receive compliments and attention from a handsome man in a tuxedo. It had been a very long time since she had felt beautiful and romanced. But it had been a fantasy and it had turned out pretty lousy, just like Lee had warned.

Lee…He was another handsome, exciting man, who could wear a tuxedo very nicely, but he was no fantasy even though he was a secret agent. Working with Lee, she realized, was a reality in her life. Her childhood fantasies about secret agents were coming true in one sense; she was working with one! She was attending fancy parties and learning scenarios in order to catch the bad guys. And she was doing it with a very handsome, very confusing "partner."

Lee had said that you had to keep your feelings separate from the job. Amanda now understood that when it came to playing a cover with the likes of Delano, but she also knew that keeping her feeling separate from the job was going to be a very important thing to learn if she was going to work closely with Lee. All she really wanted was for Lee to say something nice about her work, but she was never really sure what he thought of her.

When she had met him at the reflecting pool by the Lincoln Memorial last Friday before the reception he had acted so strange; all he could begrudgingly say was that she looked fine; she had only wanted to know if she was dressed appropriately. Later he had seemed to enjoy helping her to create Victoria Greenwich. And then he had become so angry with her at the dinner with Delano, what was his problem that night? If she didn't know better she would have sworn he was jealous. He seemed to have been attentive to her work as he was driving the limo to the party at Delano's and the way he had gazed at her as he told her that she looked fabulous made her knees weak and her stomach do flips. His interactions with her had really been very confusing she thought as she exhaled a long sigh.

Amanda plunged her hands back into the soapy water. What did _she_ want? She didn't want to be someone like Victoria Greenwich. No, she wanted to be Amanda King. But Amanda King wanted more. She really did want the "danger, excitement and intrigue" that working with Lee and the Agency had brought to her life. The job made her feel like she was doing something worthwhile, she was making her contribution to the world her sons would grow up in. She paused at that thought; it was dangerous, just like last night had proved to her. But she was okay; she was safe, because Lee had kept her safe. He had "carried her." That had been real, not a fantasy. She took a deep breath and reached for the plug to drain the sink. She had come to a conclusion. She really was ready to pursue the training it would take to become Amanda King, Housewife/Spy.


	18. Chapter 18

**9**

**Scotch Thoughts**

**Saved by the Bells**

Lee looked at his watch as he sat himself down on the couch with his scotch. Pretzel the clown had better be showing up at Amanda's about now, if not he was going to call his friend at the IRS. He chuckled to himself halfheartedly as he thought about the fact that he was sitting here worrying about a clown's arrival at a young boy's birthday party when what he had really planned for this evening was to be on a beach or in a night club in Bermuda. Lifting his eyes from the scotch glass he noticed the fish tank. Why had he asked Amanda to watch his fish in the first place?

He exhaled sharply and took a swallow of his drink. It made sense to ask her to feed the fish. That was, after all, what she told her mother she did for a job and she was actually the only person he knew who would do it. He also knew that he felt a strange sort of peace knowing that Amanda was taking care of them while he was on a vacation. A vacation? Hah!? His plan had put Amanda in danger, knowing him had put Amanda in danger! Once he had been pulled off of that flight and saw that can of fish food in Billy's office he'd had no choice. It had been clear to him what he had to do. He had to save Amanda no matter the cost. He could feel that pull again, coming from some kind of invisible knot that was centered right under his sternum. He meant it with every fiber of his being when he said to Billy that he wouldn't be able to live knowing that Amanda had died in his place.

He closed his eyes and took another shuddering breath. So what had he done next? He took Rostov, the very man that he had worked day and night to capture. He, Scarecrow, had committed treason to rescue a housewife. No, that wasn't it. He had done it to rescue Amanda; somehow she was more than just a housewife to him. As he thought about those moments he realized that he had felt a fear that he hadn't felt in a long time, if ever, and that awareness confused him. But he had also felt an amazing relief as he held her there in that golf cart. Strange that the emotion he was most conscious of was peace even as he watched Rostov drive away, fully knowing the ramifications of what he had done.

Those moments were only the crescendo beginning of more bizarre moments. Amanda coming to his rescue at the sports club and helping him clear his name; Amanda being mistaken as the Scarecrow. How absolutely ludicrous it was to have to pretend to be her assistant and watch her pretend to be "the Scarecrow!" But they had done it, together. Together? He brought the glass to his lips and finished the remainder of the scotch. He might as well accept it; Amanda was going to be a regular part of his job. Knowing Amanda, and he was beginning to, she wouldn't stop at just being a part of his job, she was going to become a regular part of his life. For some odd reason Lee realized that in accepting that as reality he felt a comforting warmth begin to grow where that knot had been earlier. Maybe with some more training she could become a real asset to the agency and himself.

_Authors note:_

_The idea of the knot that Lee felt in his chest comes from the novel __Jane Eyre__ by Charlotte Bronte. I was reminded of it in a comment made by Elly in an episode discussion on the Yuku forum._

_Elly said:_

"_Rochester's __"string" speech to Jane in __Jane Eyre__: "I sometimes have a queer feeling with regard to you - especially when you are near me, as now: it is as if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your little frame. And if that boisterous channel, and two hundred miles or so of land come broad between us, I am afraid that cord of communion will be snapt; and then I've a nervous notion I should take to bleeding inwardly..."_

I truly believe there are some people who are meant to be together and have to be together. And it's not co-dependency; it's just this amazing bond between two self-actualized souls. The string is not just a metaphor; it is the bond."


	19. Chapter 19

**9**

**Window Reflection**

**Saved by the Bells**

Amanda walked around the family room picking up the cake plates and cups. The birthday party for Jamie had been a bust, Jamie had gotten the chicken pox. Thank goodness that Pretzel the Clown had shown up, he had really saved the day for Jamie, and Amanda. It had been so disappointing for Jamie that his party had been cancelled and Amanda had wanted it to be special for him in some way. Amanda smiled to herself as she thought about it. It wasn't some generic goodness that needed to be thanked. Amanda knew that it must have been Lee who had gotten the clown to show up, he must have been listening to her the other day in the car when she had been rambling on about the birthday party. Dean didn't know anybody at the IRS, he never could have gotten Pretzel to come even though he had promised to try. Placing the dishes in the sink and turning on the water, Amanda quickly moved on to other thoughts from the past few days.

Her thoughts automatically turned to Lee. She had begun to feel rather slighted and completely undervalued again when she had shown up at his apartment and found out that he had called her just to feed his fish while he went off on a vacation in Bermuda. He had even tried to smooth it over by alluding to her as his partner. She had known better than to believe that. But then things had gotten even worse when she had been kidnapped and mistaken for Lee himself. At first she had thought that maybe it was an Agency prank or training tactic, but nothing she had tried to tell her captors had convinced them that she was only Amanda King, suburban mother to two little boys. The fear that began to settle in as she began to grasp the reality of her situation chilled her to the bone. Even now the memories of being gagged and put in that box made her shiver.

As she moved through the motions of washing the dishes her mind moved on to the golf course. She had felt such relief when she had seen Lee at the end of that long path. And when he had untied her and had pulled her into his warm embrace she had finally felt completely safe again. But she had no idea what Lee had sacrificed until the next morning when Francine had shown up looking for him. The knowledge that he had risked being accused of treason in order to save her still filled her with awe.

And then she began to learn even more about what he had sacrificed. She knew that he was one of the best agents in the country, but it wasn't until this experience that she began to learn what that meant and what sort of reputation he had in the rest of the world. Scarecrow was famous and respected even by his enemy counterparts for his analytical mind, his mercilessness and his ability to withstand torture. And this was the man that she was being trained by and had decided that she wanted to befriend? He must have endured experiences like the one she had just had gone through before. He must have found a way out or have been so valued that the powers to be had made a trade for him.

She gazed out through the dark window envisioning that moment in the golf cart, seeing it with different eyes now that she knew that the Agency had decided not to make the trade for her. Lee had done it on his own, for her - to save her. He had risked everything to return her back to her sons, her mother and her "normal" life. And he had spoken to her there in that cart in a way that she had never heard him speak before. He had said he was sorry. He had said that he had been scared too. Even if he never said anything nice about her work and continued to downplay their partnership and friendship from this moment on she would remember this. Now Amanda knew that Lee Stetson valued her in some way. He really was a remarkable man.

.


	20. Chapter 20

**10**

**Scotch Thoughts **

**The Long Christmas Eve**

Lee hung up the phone and took a sip of the champagne that Billy had brought him. Being in the hospital on Christmas morning wasn't too bad considering that he hated hospitals. It was nice to be around people, even though they were nurses and doctors. Everyone on the staff was in a festive mood; they had even added some Christmas decoration to the hospital décor and given Christmas cards and gifts to every patient. And so far Billy had been to visit and Amanda had called. If he was going to be honest with himself it wasn't nearly as lonely as being home alone with a football game and a bowl of guacamole dip.

He had spent many years convincing himself that Christmas was just another day, and he had begun to believe it, almost. The experience that he had just shared with Amanda, Rudolf and those two KGB agents may have set him back a few years though. It really had been "a hell of a Christmas Eve" like he had said to Amanda on the phone, only when he said it he had mostly pleasant thoughts in his mind. He paused at that revelation. This wasn't the way he usually responded to the aftermath of an event like the one he had just endured. Lee thought that maybe a good use of the time in the hospital bed and the champagne would be to sort through some of his responses like he usually did on his couch with a scotch.

The whole situation with bringing Janus in had shaken his objectivity a bit. It was hard knowing what a field agent in deep cover had to go through at the end of his career. Changing your identity again and not being able to reconnect with loved ones easily must be very difficult. Lee would probably have to do the same when his time came if he ever ended up going into deep cover like Rudolph had, although he had no loved ones really to connect with. That fact had become poignantly clear to him as he heard Amanda retell his version of Christmas to Rudolf. Amanda had said something about it being awful to spend Christmas without loved ones, he had tried not to think about it all these years, but she had been right. It was no picnic, it never had been.

But today Lee didn't have that hollow feeling to try to ignore. Why? He poured himself some more champagne. Well, he hadn't been alone. He had been shot and stuck in a cabin with a burned out agent, two KGB agents and Amanda King. And it had been warm and peaceful and comforting. Even as he thought about it he could still feel Amanda's hand running over his hair. He sighed. When was the last time anyone had cared for him like that? He couldn't remember. Everything Amanda had done in that cabin had amazed him. It was like those Christmas Eve miracle stories that you read about from WWI. It probably would have been a very different scenario if Amanda hadn't been there. Somehow she had taken a bunch of agents just doing their job, bent on killing each other and had transformed them into four men stranded together on Christmas Eve eating beans and sharing vodka. It was remarkable, really.

Lee shifted his thoughts completely over to his working relationship with Amanda. The way she had thought of each one in that cabin as people made him think about the way she related to Lee too. She treated him like a person, not just an agent. She had given him socks for Christmas for crying out loud! For some reason he had let his guard down and had shared a bit of his childhood with her when they were driving in the car. It had unnerved him that he had let that happen and he had overreacted to it by becoming very business-like, he knew it. And what had she thought he was doing when he had pushed her down and out of sight of Ivan and Dimitri? Something about compromising their professional relationship? The one thing he never wanted to do was compromise this professional friendship they were developing. Somewhere inside of Lee he was beginning to suspect that Amanda might be more than just some trainee that he was going to have to put up with. He drained the remainder of the champagne from his glass. Maybe he had had enough to drink already? Or maybe he was thinking like this because he was experiencing some Christmas spirit?


	21. Chapter 21

**10**

**Window Reflection**

**The Long Christmas Eve**

It had been a nice Christmas day. Dinner was over, Dean had left, and Dotty and the boys were behind her in the family room enjoying their Christmas presents as Amanda was finishing the dishes. She could hear the boys and their contented joy as they explored the gifts they had received. She had always loved Christmastime, even more so as she had become a mother. It was so special to enjoy it through the eyes of her children. After being trapped in that cabin last night and all that had transpired there, she was even more sentimental about being with her family today on Christmas.

The peaceful feeling of fullness that was usually in her heart during this special season was greater this year. She was safe and warm and with her family just like she should be. But this year some of her thoughts went beyond the inhabitants of her house. As she gazed out the window her thoughts were also on two KGB agents who were about to be deported and a very lonely older American agent who hopefully was going to be reunited with his daughter soon. But a bigger portion of her thoughts were centered on a hospital room and an even lonelier Lee Stetson.

When Philip and Jamie's father had called to wish them a Merry Christmas she couldn't help but think of Ted Rudolph who never had been able to call his own daughter on holidays or birthdays. As she served the goose at the dinner table she thought of little Lee Stetson fighting over the dark meat with five hundred men in Guam. And as she sipped wine while sitting next to Dean she could hear her words to Lee from the night before, "How often does a suburban lady like me get to drink vodka with the KGB and eat beans on Christmas?" How often indeed? There she was, in the warmth and safety of her home when last night she was in a cold cabin in the woods surrounded by SWAT teams.

When she thought about last night, she was actually pretty proud of how she had handled it. She had risen to the task and there had been a Christmas miracle. Sometimes she really surprised herself, but her only true motivation had been her concern for Lee. She had only wanted to make sure that he had gotten the care that he needed. She paused and stared out of the window into the dark night. Had he ever gotten the care that he needed? When he had told her about his Christmases as a boy on the drive into the woods she could feel her heart breaking for him. She could tell he was trying to be brave. He had the same look on his face that Philip or Jamie did when they were trying to be brave about something. She had known better than to push him about it any further.

Only one thing left her unsettled. It was silly, really. She sure hoped that Lee hadn't heard her comments after he had tackled her to the ground on their walk out to Rudolph's cabin. She shook her head at her girlish reaction. Well, maybe she had been momentarily disappointed that he was only being gallant, but really she wouldn't want anything to compromise their growing professional relationship. She had a lot to learn from Lee Stetson and she had a feeling that there were some things she could teach him too. But in this moment she wanted to enjoy her family on Christmas. She was a very lucky woman.


	22. Chapter 22

**11**

**Scotch Thoughts**

**Remembrance of Things Past**

Lee sat on the couch with a glass of Beaujolais in his hand and a hamburger on the coffee table in front of him. He could still smell the scent of the burning fuse from earlier in the day when Sinclair had tried to blow up the apartment. It had taken a while for the Agency swat team to remove the explosives and the coroner's office to remove Sinclair's body from the street below. Amanda had seemed to take the whole incident in stride and after getting checked out by paramedics she had returned home to her family. Lee had thought that he would go out and visit one of the nightclubs that he had been missing during his stint as a dead man, but when the evening actually came he realized that what he was really in the mood for was a hamburger and a glass of wine at home.

Only at the moment it felt really…lonely? He had spent evenings alone before, many times before. Maybe he should have headed out into the nightlife, but that seemed hollow for some reason tonight. Maybe the whole experience of pretending to be dead had him unsettled and reflective. His entire career he had practiced removing himself emotionally from any consequences that might occur from his job. He had limited his attachments to people and places. He had lived a transitory life and it had been full of adventure and the "high life." It had suited him just fine. But tonight the shine seemed to be a bit removed from it. Maybe it was just a reaction to the fact that he had been targeted by a killer and forced out of his life into hiding?

Into hiding at Amanda's! "This part is either incredibly convenient or incredibly awkward depending on your answer." That was what he had said when he told Amanda about his and Billy's plans to have him stay at her house. What he hadn't counted on was how incredibly comfortable and enjoyable it would be. He had never sat at home and had someone to talk about work with. Cooking dinner with Amanda and going to the drive in was so comfortable it had begun to make him antsy. Comfortable was nerve wracking, he decided.

He had told Amanda to not let her feelings get involved in the job. He had been right to tell her that, it was something that every good agent knew. And she was learning that he was right too. But for some reason the problem was that he was becoming aware of some strong currents of emotions that were becoming a regular thing for him in connection to working with Amanda. During the time before he was able to come to her house and make it known to her that he was alive and well, he had worried about how she was taking the news of his death. Billy had told him that Amanda had been trying to handle things in a professional manner but that she had been pretty upset at his fake funeral. Lee had tried to remain detached, but to be honest he had struggled. He was both nervous and relieved to finally enter her home and reassure her that he was indeed alive.

Lee paused in his thoughts here. He wasn't sure what to do with what had happened after he had gone inside. It wasn't that her embrace had been unwelcome, or uncomfortable. That wasn't it at all. It was the most wonderful thing Lee had ever experienced, really. It was like a homecoming, what it must be like when one has returned after being away from family that just love you and miss you and are simply glad to see you again. Lee really hadn't had much of that; he hadn't had any of that. And here it was coming from a place that Lee had never even imagined himself being a part of, it was coming from some "normal" suburban woman with two kids and a station wagon that had entered his life and had somehow become his trainee in the spy business. How in the world had that happened? It didn't really matter how anymore, Lee realized. Now he was just glad that it had. Lee took a bite of the hamburger; he wasn't feeling so lonely now.


	23. Chapter 23

**11**

**Window Reflections**

**Remembrance of Things Past**

Amanda placed the wine glasses into the hot soapy water. She wanted to get them washed before she started on the greasy plates from the hamburgers they had had for dinner. Her mother had been a bit surprised that Amanda had chosen wine to drink with dinner, especially when hamburgers were on the menu, but Amanda had suggested that since their sightseeing tour had been cut short due to the storm that wine with dinner would make things a bit festive. What she couldn't truthfully explain to her mother though was why the house smelled slightly fishy. How could she tell her mother that in her absence a handsome spy had spent an evening and a night with her at the house while they solved a case? She chuckled to herself.

The Japanese squid meal was one she could take a pass on, but having Lee sitting there with her or even cooking in her kitchen was something she would never forget. It would have been unique enough on its own, but having him there after thinking he was dead was a special gift. She had tried so hard to follow Lee's advice and keep her feelings separate from the job. But she couldn't help it, she got attached. She was like that; she just cared about the people in her life. And she cared for Lee. Maybe her strong emotional response was wrapped up a bit in how his death would have affected her new job opportunity with the Agency. Maybe a little. But during those days that she was mourning before Lee had shown up in her living room life had seemed colorless. She had to be honest with herself; Lee Stetson had somehow become a very important part of her life.

But he had shown up in her family room and Amanda couldn't have been objective no matter how hard she tried. She was so relieved, it was better than the sun coming out after the worst of storms. Even now as she stood there at the sink she could feel how wonderful it was to hurl herself into his embrace and feel how alive and present he was. And then she had gotten so mad that he had deceived her about his "death". Poor Lee, he was scared of emotions, she knew it, and here she had thrown so many of them at him in just a few brief moments. At first she had been nervous that she would have scared him away with her outburst, but she had been surprised when he had thanked her for caring and had even remarked that he cared that she cared. It made her realize that she might be the friend in Lee's life to help him learn more about true friendship and feelings; it was something that he could benefit from, as an agent and as a man. After all he was going to have to learn to work with her, feelings and all.

After getting over the "psychological barrier" (as Lee had called it) of having him stay at her house, it had been kind of exhilarating to be the one chosen to work with Lee collecting evidence and reporting to Billy. Francine's comment about her dashed career could have hurt a bit if she didn't know that after she left the office she and Lee would go to the drive in movie and then return to her house to put more clues together. And now that she knew Lee better she could see that it was important for her to help him be an even better operative by teaching him how "real" people lived. It was nice to know that she could contribute to their "partnership" as well. What had begun as a seemingly devastating end to this new opportunity in her life had really become a more solidifying experience for her. Having Lee that much a part of her life for even a night and a day made it even clearer to her how much she wanted to work with him and the Agency. It definitely had not been a lousy one nighter.


End file.
